Arlington National Cemetery

It is 8:15 a.m. and I have already sweat through my tank top. Sweat is dripping off my nose and running down my legs in multiple Colorado Rivers. This profusion of sweat is attracting biting flies and mosquitoes, so I'm also constantly twitching and swatting, trying to discourage the idea that I am an all-you-can-eat insect buffet.

My sad disheveled state is highlighted by the soldier standing less than ten feet
away from me. Despite the fact that it is ungodly hot for this hour of the morning, probably 85 degrees with 85% humidity, the only skin visible on the soldier is from below his hat to the top of his collar. He is wearing a navy coat, dark grey trousers, a navy hat and gloves. According to Christopher Buckley's book, "Washington Schlepped Here," the uniforms are made of wool because it is the only material that holds a crease. Also, all the belts are a standard-issue 29 inches, probably not a difficult size to reach if you're marching around in wool uniforms in August.

"Marching around" is far too loose of a term to describe the soldier's movement. His unfailing precision prompts me to look for the windup key in his back. The Army's Old Guard patrols the Tomb of the Unknown Solider 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. The soldier on duty marches 21 paces down, wait 21 seconds symbolizing a 21-gun salute (a good substitute; 21 shots every 21 seconds would really detract from the serenity of the cemetery), and march back. The guard changes every half hour on the half hour. The ceremony is one of the Big Three sites at Arlington, the other two being the eternal flame and grave of President and Mrs. Kennedy and Arlington House, where Robert E. Lee lived up until the Civil War. The Union Army buried 16,000 soldiers around the house, including 2,000 in Mrs. Lee's rose garden. Shockingly, the Lees never returned to that home.